I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
