The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
