We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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