..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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