You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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