I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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