Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
