ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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