omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
