Me too!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
