I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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