Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
as a side note pls kill me
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
