So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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