I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
