I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
