he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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