Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
