Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
