How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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