You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
