Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
