I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
