Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
