I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
