Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Can I color on your dick again?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
