Swine flu. Run for my life!
I think I died a long time ago.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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