atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
