i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
