Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
