So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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