dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
