do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
