So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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