I cannot find my penis.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
