I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
