Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
