Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
