it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
