I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
