I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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