New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize