Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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