looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If I die, sorry about rent.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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