im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
