my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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