My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
