***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
