How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
