he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
