how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
