Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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