Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
