Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
