why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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